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At Bonhomie LLC, we provide individual, family, and couples therapy. We provide these therapies surrounding trauma/PTSD, men’s issues, women’s issues, cultural issues, adjustment, divorce/custody/family issues, spiritual concerns, life transitions, and more. While open to working with anyone ages 12 and above of any background, we greatly enjoy working with teenagers followed by young adults. If you feel that your concern or age has not been covered, please contact us to schedule a consultation to discuss your need.

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What You Do Speaks Back To You

You have been asked time and time again to (insert chore). Each time you are faced with the same task you huff and puff, roll your eyes, stomp your way down the hall, avoid the task; take your pick. Per the usual, the expectation is that you are fussed at by a parent or another authoritative figure. What’s the cause for the behavioral cycle? What is it that you are communicating to the person on the receiving end? What is it that you are hoping to communicate? All behaviors communicate a message to the receiver or observer of your behaviors. Does a baby not cry when it needs to be changed or fed?

As I mentioned, all behaviors communicate a message to the receiver or observer. You observe your own behaviors every day. What are you communicating to yourself? Are you telling yourself that you are not worthy by voluntarily taking less than you deserve? Could you be labeling yourself a doormat when you allow others to take advantage of you? Would it be fair to assign the title of punching bag to yourself from your self-inflicted negative self-talk?

Many times we are faced with reflecting back over our lives to think of what we would tell ourselves at a younger age. I would definitely tell my teenaged self to spend more time with myself in order to get to know me better. I know if that would have been done, the detrimental messages I communicated to myself about myself would have never been created. It is much more difficult to sway a person that is sure; in-tuned even, with themselves. Whether that is in their abilities, or who they are as a person, confidence is bae. That confidence communicates various messages to yourself and others that can be key in your ability to navigate the world around you.

If you haven’t spent time with yourself to get to know yourself, you may likely be a person that is easy to manipulate. You may be unsure of your path, purpose, and overall journey in life; requiring a lot of external validation from those around you. Unfortunately some individuals in your life can take advantage of your seeking their validation. Some people will not want you to succeed at all, and may mislead you. Others, may think that they know what is best for you and charge you with following a certain direction.

While these individuals may mean well, they do not always know the best thing for your personal journey. Parents for example tend to expect you to have the same interests or a similar path to their own, since you are their own genetically. Just because your parents are your parents, it doesn’t mean that you will be a carbon copy of either of your parents. You may have some traits or similar qualities, but will unlikely be exactly the same. I’m saying that to say that it is alright for you to be you. To have your own life, your own journey, and your own purpose. You will only be an undesired full carbon copy if you haven’t spent time with yourself to know you. You will only be an undesired full carbon copy if you have allowed yourself to be conditioned into the copy that your parents desire. Know that you don’t have to ask for permission to be you or love you. Being you is the best way to communicate that you love you to yourself.

Corletha Norman-Bey

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